Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
