Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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