is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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