clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
