so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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