I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
