we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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