I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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