That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
