Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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