if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
