I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
