my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
