Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
