You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
