You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
