If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my poor anus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
