Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
