the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize