Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
