hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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