Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
