i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
