so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
