Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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