You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
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Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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