drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
