My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
