I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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