oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They took my balls.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
