took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize