those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
