I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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