chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
