Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
