wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
