Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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