I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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