I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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