Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
