if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
