Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
