I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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