Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
