Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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