i just wanna soil my oats bro
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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