It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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