you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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