I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
