so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
