More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
