I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
