Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
