Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
