I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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