He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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