I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
