Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
