Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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