you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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