So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
