So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
