Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I believe in your delicious
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
