my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
