she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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